Change

I have never had such a good time and simultaneously felt so isolated in my life. Or maybe I have, and never quite paid attention to it?

There is something to be said for growing up. I mean, it's a bitch of a process and a painful one at that.

Change is good, right?

I understand that people grow apart, I really do. But I hate how much it hurts.





I also hate how I can't make my personal happiness a priority right now, because nursing school does not allow for that. I would love to say that everything is going great, and that I love this, but I would be lying. And I hate liars.

I have lived a stunning 23 years. I am not foolish enough to think that life has thrown insurmountable issues in my face. I have made good decisions and horrendous ones. I have made horrible mistakes and loved and lost, and I'm just getting started at it. Where the problem comes in is that I want to hold onto the memories that have made my life stunning. But I feel like life is not allowing me that pleasure.

I'm learning that I need to make new bliss. I need to find my stunning in the here and now. I'd like to think that things will magically go back to high school, but they won't. So much has changed since then. God...it's only been 5 years. I feel fortunate and blessed that I have certain people in my life now that I had then, and I will always do so.


I don't know who actually reads this, or if anyone does, but if you are - I still love the crap out of you. I always will.

I need to make this work. I need to get out of this rut that I'm in. And I believe I can do it. Sort of. I don't really have a choice. I don't want to be miserable and blah, blah, blah. I'm working on this growing up thing...it's a lot harder than it looks.

But I'm trying.