I came to the realization recently that I am an extraordinarily selfish person. I have been walking around in a fog, mostly because I'm so upset that certain people that I used to hold so dear to my heart disappeared out of my life. Maybe it was my fault - I've been so damn preoccupied with school and wallowing in my own self misery that I completely forgot about the people who used to put a smile on my face whenever I was sad/mad/whatever. I think it may be a mixture of jealousy that they're living their lives, finding love, settling down, making a contribution to the society, excelling in careers, etc., while I can't seem to freaking pass an exam.
I decided today that I'm going to start trying again. I want - no need - to make more of an effort to maintain my friendships that I used to hold so dear. I want to form new ones that will last. I can't keep only living my life through nursing school, it's not healthy for me. I'm not an idiot, I know that people will eventually walk away.
So, here's my start. I'm sorry to all of you beautiful people who have continued to support and love me even though I've been distant - even absent. I'm a different person now, but I would like to try to improve myself and regain (if possible) the level of friendship we shared. So, yeah. That's all.
2 comments:
I could have written this post. It is so hard to not let nursing school consume your life. I have let so many relationships fall aside because I have been absent in them. We change, we grow and sometimes we outgrow. Put yourself back out there and repair the relationships that are worth repairing. I plan on doing the same. But I won't forget the bonds I've made with all the people that have gone through this hell with me, especially you!
I know, Gina! And I don't think that I realized I was doing it until, well, now. And I feel like I'm going to work on that, but at the same I am so thank thankful for having you in my life! You can't get rid of me now!
xox
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