I...

I hate this.

I hate how this program is turning amazingly beautiful, confident people into...not. I hate that this program has teasingly supplied me with a social life, it has also said, "Oh hey - I'm going to give you too much to possibly do so you don't even think about making plans." So there's where I'm at about nursing school.

I feel like no matter how much I study, I don't understand. Helpless...maybe that's what it is.

I feel something just short of devastation because I just found out my best friend is most likely not going to be able to go on the Europe trip that we've been planning for near 4 years now.

I feel resignation in the fact that I don't understand.

The house has been crazy. We have guests from England here with their adorable 6 mo. old baby, who seems to be taking over all my attention...and that's my decision. 

I have a shit ton of work to do for school and no motivation to do so. I didn't pass my first exam (I'm not wholly surprised, I can't seem to pass anything in this damn program), and I'm not so much a fan of floor nursing in the hospital. That and I think I'm developing some serious anxiety in my life.

So, while my world seems to slowly be unraveling (it seems like epically fast, but I know in reality it isn't), I seem to just be hanging on by a thread. So I shall continue doing so, knowing that deep down I'm not the only one and I'm certainly not the worst-off person in this program by any means, and keep reminding myself that shit happens, and I just need to keep soldiering on.

Someone, for the love of whatever, please make me smile..?