It is what it Is.

I believe in fate.

I believe that we are all led to wherever we are at any given moment for a reason, and that no matter what the situation is, we need to just get through it and learn from it.

It's no secret to anyone that I have serious questions about this program and my future in the nursing profession. I have, (like a feel most students would), several anxieties about the tasks that I am supposed to complete in the time frame I've been given. Clinical is a bitch, and most of the time I feel like I know nothing. (Now, on the off chance that one of you random readers will one day, in fact, be my patient - no worries...I'm getting there. And, I'm really good at faking..) The amount of reading and studying I'm responsible for is absurd - I'm already behind and it's the 2nd week of classes. (It really doesn't help the the textbooks put me to sleep. Literally). Not to mention the social aspect has changed, albeit subtly, but changed nonetheless. I'm still not sure how I feel about that, to be honest.

The problem is that I was spoiled in my first semester in all aspects. Of course, I didn't think so then...but hindsight is 20/20, right? I had the greatest clinical group, ever. I'm talking about the kind that even if we're all in opposite sides of the county (quite literally, really), we will have lasting friendships and awesome memories. My instructors were great, and I'm hard pressed to find complaints about the facilities I was in. Now, how in the hell do you compete with that? Answer: you don't.

This semester is going to be interesting. I miss the camaraderie that I had not only with my classmates, but also with the instructor. Not so much anymore, but that's okay...because it happened for a reason, right...? Maybe I'm being premature...but you know that feeling you get when you find yourself prey to a iffy first impression...? Is that enough said? All I can say is thank god for Jess....

So, here's the deal. The point of all this rambling was to tell a humorous (well, I thought it was, anyway..) story that shows how I can have positive feelings about where fate has brought me so far. One of my clinical classmates, whom I will not reveal the name, made me feel better about myself today. This classmate could not figure out how to work the thermometer, and proceeded to ask me for assistance.

........

This is where you all should, a) be laughing hysterically or b) have looks of dismay on your awesome faces.

I'll tell you this, though - it made me feel like the smartest bastard on the planet at the time.

So here's my realization for today: I can do this. I may or may not want it anymore, but I can do it. I soooo don't feel any ounce of confidence in anything (yet), but I know, at the very least, how to work a thermometer.