So Much Good.

So much has happened in the past couple of months. So much good.

And so much reality.

I've always been told to be careful what I wish for, because I might just get it. I managed to get myself hired, which is what I've been bitching about doing in practically every post/conversation of my life up until now.

I'm blessed.

I have amazing experiences afforded to me through this job, and it is in the field that I was hoping for. I should have no complaints.

Except I'm broke. And so out of my depth.

On the same token, I have to keep reminding myself that life is not sunshine and roses. And as cynical and jaded as that sounds, it's reality. I am a registered nurse - an educated professional who went and survived rigorous schooling - and I still have to struggle with the reality that I will not be able to move out on my own because I won't be able to afford it. And while I realize I'm just starting out, and while I realize I can only go up from here (knock on wood), it's still a tough reality to swallow.

That being said, I LOVE my job. It scares me shitless every day, but I'm learning so, so much. That's the point, isn't it? To live a life and work a job that challenges you daily so you can learn. I'm hoping I never lose this fascination with my work, and I feel so fortunate that I even have that fascination. It makes me believe that I did, in fact, do something right. And that, right there, makes everything worth it.

It's a big lesson for me that I have often refuse to heed, the very fact that from strife comes success. Life is supposed to be hard, that is what makes a person triumph and overcome. And while I would really like for things to not be so hard, I like the person it's shaping me into. I like that my confidence is growing and I'm finally starting to figure out who I am. I try every day to always look for the positive, and I find myself much more content when I do.

So here's my positive. While I complain that I don't have enough money in my bank account and I can't afford the lifestyle I foresee myself living, I am employed. I am employed doing what I want to do. And I have a steady paycheck. And that is something I can build on and make something of. So for now, that's enough.